Sonic The Satire
by Listie The Scribe Maid
Summary: Sonic got turned into a cat!... And that's it, really. Parody of "Sonic The Cat" by Yoshi 2.1.
1. Chapter 1

_**CAT IN THE SATIRE DEPT.**_

**Disclaimer: I do not own Sonic and all other characters. They belong to Sonic Team and SEGA. No copyright is used in this story. Except this spoof. The original belongs to Yoshi 2.1. Please enjoy.**

**This is my second spoof. After ChelseaTheBlonde cancelled _Ask The Sonic Boys!_, I guess I decided to work on this piece of art. P.S., some parts will serious while others will not be.**

**Sonic the Spoof**

**Summary: An accident in Tails's lab causes... Wait, why am I explaining this again? Wasn't the description on the outside enough? You really need ANOTHER explanation of the story? And while I'm at it, why not spoil the fact the Snape kills Dumbledore, but he wanted it to happen! Seriously.**

**Chapter 1 (No, duh)**

Tails, could you tell me again why I have to be here?", Sonic asked.

Tails just sighed. That was the tenth Sonic had asked that question (and this was the first time Tails decided to answer it).

Because Sonic I wanted you test a new invention that I built, it's far more better than everything else I've ever invented", Tails explained.

Before we do that, could you please explain where the grammar was in that sentence? Also, everything you build blows up in my face", Sonic asked.

Didn't you hear me?, it's far more better!, that makes it far more safer", Tails pleaded, getting on both of his knees.

Look, Tails, everything that blows up..., sorry, I can't work with this grammar, I mean it just sucks, couldn't you at least not make it a run-on sentence", Sonic broke the fourth wall to bring that statement.

Tails ignored Sonic's meta-humour and dragged him downstairs. The sooner they got downstairs, the sooner Tails could open the door and turn(ed) on the light. So Tails did. In the middle of the completely empty room was a jewel-encrusted 27k gun with a red undertone, which is, by the way, SO last year. It looked like Rouge was recently there since she literally had a homing device in her mind to track down jewel-encrusted 27k guns with a red undertone. (People teased her for this until she actually found one. THAT shut 'em up). Sonic had a looked of confusion plastered on his face. When he manged to get the cast off of his face, he took a good look at it.

Three questions, little bro, what the heck is that thing?, is it safe?, and did you rob a bank to get those jewels and all that gold?", Sonic enquired. He could answer at least ONE of those questions (the one about the bank), but he waited for Tails to answer.

It's a trasmografier ray, which I stole for Calvin And Hobbes, and it allows you to turn into your super form without the Chaos Emeralds and all I had to do was find all 7, strip them of their powers and throw the rocks into a trash compactor, so it's safe", Tails told Sonic (and yes, that WAS a run-on sentence).

Tails then whipped around and faced Sonic. Sonic threw his hands into the air like he as under arrest.

I'm tellin' ya, officer, I didn't do it!", Sonic begged, Tails having nothing more then a look of annoyance on his face.

Look, Sonic, all I'm gonna do is zap with this highly unstable device and see if it works instead of using on one of my test subjects, which I normally do, except PETA is really getting on my case about what I'm doing", Tails said with half-intrest, gesturing towards what seemed like a pile of internal organs and tinfoil.

And that used to be?", Sonic began, waiting for an answer.

Oh, that's just my pile of organs and tinfoil, I was reffering to what was next to it", Tails stated.

What was next to it was what I can only describe as the most horrible thing anybody has ever seen on the face of this Earth. Even the devil would have gasped in acknowledgement of how grotesque it was.

But you NEVER said anything about guns and grotesqueness on the phone!", Sonic argued, trying back away.

I did tell you about it, but you were right after I said 'Hi, Sonic', as always", Tails shot back.

But I don't wanna!", Sonic whined.

C'mon, it won't hurt one bit and besides, I was gonna get you a chili dog", Tails told Sonic.

DO IT!", Sonic shouted, stepping right in front of the gun.

Shoot yourself", Tails said, firing the gun.

The gun let out a steady stream of golden light, travelling at least 60 MPH towards Sonic's chest and when it did, the blast enveloped everything in a white light, almost completely blinding the two. About 10 seconds later, the light started to fade out and Tails got a good look at Sonic. Tails gasped and began to very slowly back away.

What's wrong, Tails?", Sonic questioned, noticing Tails.

Look in the mirror, Sonic", Tails replied quietly.

Sonic went to look in the mirror and... he was a sheep.

Wrong setting!" Tails shouted, blasting Sonic again.

10 more seconds later, Sonic looked in the mirror again.

Am I OK this time?", Sonic asked again.

Look in the mirror", Tails replied nervously, looking ready to break out into a run.

Please tell I'm not a bi-", Sonic began, but then stopped short. He didn't look ANYTHING like his old self. He was about Blaze's height, his quills were missing, his usual peach-covered arms were covered in blue fur, his ears were wider & more triangular, his tail was longer & a tad more catlike and his eyes were split, so he no longer had just one huge eyeball with two pupils. There was even a little hole where a gem should go.

Sonic, are you OK?", Tails asked, looking ready to make a break for it. He wouldn't get very far, but he would've tried.

But Sonic just spent a long time staring at himself. Tails's fear was beginning to diminish, just as Sonic spoke:

Do you think the guys at the bank will recognize me?", Sonic enquired, looking at Tails for an answer. Tails was kind of surprised that was the first thing Sonic had asked since the transformation, but Tails decided to play along. Maybe he had changed mentally as well as physically and might try to harm him if he tried. I mean, with all the Tails abuse going around on the internet, I don't wanna add to it.

Well, if you still have your bank card, I guess they could recognize you", Tails said in a tone pretty much said that Tails was trying to play along. Sonic didn't catch it.

What about the front desk?, with rising econemy, they might think I'm just some weird who got a hold of me card", Sonic retorted, crossing his arms. For some reason, he was trying to get an argument going.

As long as your thumbprint hasn't changed, you'll be all right", Tails reassured Sonic.

Sonic looked disappointed. After the two talked bananas (I'm not kidding, Sonic asked why they were so wet), Sonic told Tails he had to go.

I'll get the door for you", Tails offered.

Nah, I'm fine, I just got things to do", Sonic told Tails, getting up and leaving.

Tails was half-glad Sonic was leaving. On one hand, Tails wanted to realign the gun to turn Sonic back, but, on the other hand, Tails wanted to study Sonic to learn why he turned into a cat when Tails CLEARLY turned the gun to "Super Form".

**LET'S PLAY SONIC 2006**

**Sonic and Elise kiss**

**Me: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!**

Sonic was several miles from Tails's place when what had happened slowly began to sink in. He stopped dead in his tracks (something you'll NEVER see Sonic do, besides make out with Amy (but that's rarer)).

Everything happens for a reason, right?, so why me?, what unholy thing did I do do this?", Sonic wondered aloud, looking up as if expecting an answer.

The Lord did not answer, for he was too busy screaming at Mario in a different fiction.

When Sonic didn't receive an answer, he sighed and decided a nice run to Emerald Coast would help him think.

He got down like an Olympic track runner, beads of sweat dripping down his face to make it authentic, and waited for a few seconds.

A gun somewhere went off as Sonic began his run. Everything seemed to move in slow motion (the theme to "Chariots Of Fire" was even playing the background). The ground was a colored blur of grass, flowers, animals Sonic ran over, pieces of trash and, eventually, concrete. Everything in his wake went flying at least 30 seconds after Sonic passed. When he got to Emerald Coast, he sat down on a bench, the giant ball of grass/flowers/dead animals/trash/concrete nearly missing him.

Well, I know I still have my super speed, now to figure out the rest", Sonic muttered to himself, beginning to murmur under his breath like a lunatic.

Just then, Blaze came by and here's the odd thing: she kinda, sorta, just maybe, perchance to dream, in a sliver of hope, dare I say it in everything is holy actually LIKED (as in like-like) Sonic (not that she knew it was him). The funny thing about Blaze is she never really let love past her. Ever since her duty was given, she had built a mental wall so Cupid couldn't get to her and believed me, he tried. Sure Blaze let tiny bits passed for Sonic (not-cat) and Cream, but, other then that, she never tried to love anybody. But when Blaze saw Sonic (cat) her mental literally EXPLODED (with a little mushroom cloud coming from her head and everything). Cupid took this oprotunity and maybe went a little overboard. Everything he had, he fired to make up for almost 10 years worth of missed arrows. And thanks to all that, on a scale of 1 to 10, Blaze's current attraction to Sonic (cat) ranked "Crazier Then Amy (If That's Even Possible)". The expression she had when she sat down was like Pepe L'Pew on steroids.

Hello there", Blaze greeted Sonic in an overly seductive tone (maybe it was horny tone).

Hi, Blaze", Sonic said quickly, not noticing Blaze's tone.

You know I've never met a blue cat before; I've met a green one, but I hate him, another purple one, but he's stupid, a peach one, but he's evil, AND one that's like a human water gun, but she likes to the green one", Blaze said.

But, Blaze, it's me, Sonic, the one you defeated the Eggmen with?", Sonic asked confusingly, not seeing where this was going.

Good, Grambi, you DO sound just like him!", Blaze blurted out excitedly. You could just see her hormones rising.

Are you gonna try to hit on me?", Sonic questioned, worried.

Blaze nodded yes as if to say, "Duh". Sonic shook his head no, held up a picture of Sally, pointed to it, then pointed back to himself as if to say, "Look, I'm supposed to be dating her I can't because I'm a cat. Leave me alone". Blaze shook HER head no, scooted a bit closer as if to say, "I have no idea who she is and I want you whether you like it or not". Sonic pointed to his butt as if to say, "Crap".

Sonic scooted away, but Blaze only copied him by moving closer. Sonic tried again, but Blaze moved again. This went on for a while until Sonic fell of the bench.

Look, just be mine and I'll give this up, you want that, don't you?", Blaze asked, almost mockingly.

Blaze leaned down and Sonic saw what was coming a mile away: Blaze wanted some lip-2-lip. He had to think fast, his virginity was at stake! (And he was saving it until he gave being gay a try).

Hey, Blaze, look over there!" Sonic shouted. Blaze fell for it, giving Sonic time to get outta there.

Oh, no, no! I can figure out how to cross dimension AND how to keep the Sol Emeralds from not destroying the universe along with the Chaos Emeralds, but I don't know when I'm being had!, I'm a bad, bad kitty", Blaze scolded herself.

She looked ahead of her after her little scold and noticed a Road Runner-style trail of smoke leading in the direction Sonic went.

Blaze simply giggled to herself like a madman. She got up and casually walked to the start of the trail.

This is gonna be fun", she muttered evily under her breath before she headed of in the direction of Sonic.

**And that's that! This took longer then I expected, but this came out OK. No offence to Yoshi 2.1 and I hope you get all references!**

**Read it (in case you just skipped down here) and review!**


	2. Chapter 2

_**CAT IN THE SATIRE DEPT.**_

**Chapter 2 1/2: The Smell Of Fear**

Sonic was still running through Station Square wondering about what happened just a minute ago (no, there was literally a gap of only one minute since Sonic started his sprint, meaning he was 27 miles away).

I can't believe it, that was totally weird, first Blaze didn't recognize me, then I pointed to my butt, then I fell of a bench, then she almost kissed and thankfully if it wasn't for the fact she's dumber then the dinosaurs from _The Lost World: Jurassic Park_, I wouldn't have gotten away, but, seriously, when did she get more gullible then Knuckles?, and why was that a run-on sentence?", Sonic said to himself at a hyper pace, keeping with the fact that he was on the run.

But in the process of running away from his back-up for Sally, Sonic accidentally bumped into Knuckles. It was a wonder why Knuckles didn't punch his lights out.

Sorry about that, I was too busy running away from a back-up girlfriend to notice your fat butt in my path", Sonic apologized, half meaning it considering the situation.

No problem, hey wait a minute, did you steal Sonic's voice?", Knuckles questioned.

I _AM_ Sonic!", Sonic explained. He realized during his run that he'd have to explain this at least a million times, so he just decided to just cut to the chase.

Sonic!, this cat ATE you?", Knuckles shouted, yanking open Sonic's (cat) jaw and peering inside.

Sonic sweat-dropped.

Don't worry, Sonic!, I'm coming to save you!", Knuckles exclaimed, starting to climb in.

Sonic sighed as well as he could with a Knuckle-sandwich in his mouth, pulled Knuckles out and stared at him, looking very bored

I _AM_ Sonic"", Sonic repeated, showing Knuckles the last chapter of this story. (Hooray for unfunny 4th Wall Jokes!)

Sorry, Sonic", Knuckles said when he found out who Sonic (cat) was.

You can prove to me you're sorry by taking a bath", Sonic muttered, spitting on the ground. Knuckles tasted like old socks and tartar sauce.

So, what're you gonna do?" Knuckles asked plainly, trying to ignore Sonic's comment.

Prevent myself from Blaze's cat toy", Sonic replied, looking around for Blaze.

Don't you mean BOY toy?", Knuckles teased, raising his eyebrows.

Nah, I'd say cat toy", Sonic argued.

Both of you are wrong, you gonna be my boy/cat toy!", Blaze told the two of them.

Sonic turned around, saw Blaze, yelped and made a mad dash.

Blaze and Knuckles stared in Sonic's direction for a while, then turned to each other.

You know who that is?", Knuckles asked Blaze.

Nope", Blaze replied.

Want me to tell you you?", Knuckles offered.

I'd prefer you didn't", Blaze admitted, going after Sonic again.

Knuckles shrugged. It was none of his concern.

**MEANWHILE, THOUSAND OF MILES AWAY**

For almost half an hour, Sonic had been trying to hide over and over again, but Blaze always seemed to find him. He hid behind a tree, Blaze was in it; he hid in a dumpster, Blaze stole a dump truck; Sonic hid on top of the CN Tower, Blaze payed to get on top; Sonic hid in an Ernest movie, Blaze had a cameo. It was a mess. But, finally, Sonic came across the best hiding place possible: A George bush! Of course!

Sonic dove into the bush faster then you could say "Sonic dove into the bush faster then you could say" and plainly waited.

All I have to do is wait", Sonic thought.

His quills/fur stood on end when he heard Blaze's voice.

Come out, putty tat!, I want to make you my boy/cat toy and make Amy Rose go insane!", Blaze called out.

Sonic peeked out a hole in the (George W.) bush and watched Blaze pace around the park, looking. Eventually, she left.

Oh, thank Grambi", Sonic whispered, getting out the bush.

Hello", Blaze said quickly.

Sonic jumped straight up and latched onto a branch of the tree that was above him.

HOW DID YOU DO THAT?", Sonic exclaimed, looking nervously at Blaze.

I have a Flux Capacitor", Blaze shrugged. (Yes, shrugging is now a way of talking.)

OK then, now, how do I get down?", Sonic wondered aloud.

I'll catch you", Blaze offered in a seductive tone, holding out both her arms.

No way!" Sonic shouted, gripping the branch tighter.

Fine then, wait for the fire department to totally ruin your rep", Blaze said, holding both her hands up and walking away like nothing happened.

Sonic thought for a second.

Catch me!", Sonic yelled to blaze.

Blaze looked back at Sonic with a seductive/satisfied glare. She walked back under the tree as Sonic let go. Blaze, of course, caught Sonic, spun in a circle and pinned Sonic against the tree so hard, leaves (and a ladder) fell out.

Now, sweetie, you forgot something", Blaze told Sonic, putting her face close to his.

My wallet?", Sonic asked, trying to play dumb.

And this", Blaze whispered, KISSING Sonic. (Oh, God, never thought I'd be typing that. I'm not into romance stories.)

Sonic could feel Blaze's tongue inside his mouth, their saliva mixing into one disgusting mess. He could also Blaze's tongue, going up his throat, out his nose, into his ear and working its way into his brain. (Wait, what?) The kiss lasted several minutes (and in that time, Sonic forgot where his house was) until blaze finally let up and her tongue snaked its way back into her mouth. Immediately, Blaze pulled it out and it turned out it was a remote controlled one.

Your mouth taste like honey", Blaze said happily, an odd thing to say after Sonic was forced to kiss.

That's probably because I threw up in mouth, in turn causing my to throw up down your throat", Sonic admitted sheepishly.

Blaze stared wide eyed at Sonic for a second, then ran to a near by water fountain to rinse her mouth out.

Sonic thanked The Lord(Or The Rings) he threw up in her mouth and used this to her advantage.

When Blaze was sure she was done rinsing, she saw Sonic was gone. She held up a sign that read, "Dang" and chased after Sonic.

Sonic ( Runnicus Notacaticus) was running through the city like the Road Runner would. Blaze (Fireicus Insaneicus) was hot in pursuit, determined to make him her's.

Blaze took a quick shortcut to where Sonic was gonna end up. She quickly painted an X on the ground, put a chili dog on top of the X and ran to where a large teeter-totter was set up with a huge rock ready to be flung towards the X. Blaze waited a few seconds. Sonic ran to the chili dog, stopped and inspected it to make sure it wasn't poisoned, since most he found laying on the street on top of an X were. Blaze quickly climbed a little stairway to the top of some electricity wires, jumped down on the teeter-totter and sent the rock flying...right on top of herself. When she saw it coming, she simply pulled out a VERY tiny umbrella and waited for the impact. It did hit her, but she (somehow) wasn't hurt.

The very next thing she tried was the bridge leading the eastern side of Station Square. She used her fire powers to melt the bridge, made a quick picture that made it looked like the bridge was still there, placed where the bridge was and waited in a (George W.) bush. The way Sonic was running, she figured, he'd fall right into the river and she'd go in to scoop him up. But when Sonic DID get there, he ended up running INTO the painting. Blaze came out from the bush, dumbstruck, holding up a sign that read "?". She took a few steps back and took a running start towards the painting. Needless to say, she fell through.

Finally, Blaze constructed an ACME Checkpoint, placed it on top of giant rock in the Station Square Grand Canyon (you didn't know they had that?) that meant that if Sonic fell into her next trap, he would be trapped. Blaze also made it so she could use a rope to swing down and snatch Sonic. Well, her plan half-worked. Sonic DID end up on the check point, but when Blaze swooped into grab him, Sonic simply did the famous "Meep, meep" and ran on top of the Canyon like it wasn't there, it was only painted. Blaze stared at the spectacle, failing to notice the giant wall she was heading for. She hit it and fell to the ground much like a certain Coyote would.

At the bottom of the Canyon, Blaze pulled herself out of the hole she had made and looked up.

I don't know how Willie E. Coyote does this", she murmured, getting back onto the road and continued to chase the Blue Bomber.

**Believe it or not, this only took an hour! And Yoshi 2.1 said he/she/it spent a week on this.**

**Anyways, yes, the end of the chapter was a parody of the Road Runner (and to avoid any confusion, Blaze's tongue going into Sonic's brain is a parody of the Mind Scrambling Kiss from _Superman II_).**

**Check Ya Later, so please don't be surprised if I'm groping you in the middle of the night (THAT WAS A JOKE).**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Sorry for this note, I just wanted to apologize for what I wrote last chapter. It made very little sense and I deviated from the original source material too much. Now for making fun of myself! (P.S., I wrote this while listening to AC/DC!)**

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><p><em><strong>CAT IN THE SATIRE DEPT.<strong>_

Chapter 3's Company

Boy that was strange how the last chapter ended on a Road Runner spoof that had nothing to do with the story, but at least I got away from her", Sonic muttered to himself while still running. He was about to add something to the above statement, but realized he used his one paragraph, so decided to hold out on it.

Along Sonic's oh-so merry way, he came across the exact same tree he got stuck in ((George W.) Bush and all) with Shadow leaning against it with his iPhone.

Hey, Shadow, thank Grambi I found you and, on what I wanted to say early, thanks to TGITB for reviewing!", Sonic shouted at the fourth wall, looking pleased.

Couldn't have put that in the author's note?", Shadow enquired, looking at Sonic.

It would make to much sense", Sonic replied, scratching the back of his head.

Anyways, dearest Sonic, have a nice run?", Shadow asked in a mocking tone. A story called _Sonic The Cat_ could be seen on his iPhone.

How did you know about that?", Sonic replied with another question, looking hard at Shadow.

I can READ, ya know", Shadow scoffed.

So, you what's gonna happen?", Sonic asked hopefully.

I've only gotten up to the second chapter", Shadow admitted.

Sonic's eye twitched.

But, look, if Blaze comes by, I'll distract her so you can get outta her", Shadow offered.

Deal", Sonic agreed, running off.

A few seconds later, Blaze came by with a half pained/half-lovestruck look on her face. She was covered in dirt (from the Grand Canyon) and was also skipping, humming a tune Shadow could only describe as Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up".

Oh hai Shadow, have you seen Sonic?", Blaze asked, doing a near-perfect imitation of Tommy Wiseau.

Nope", Shadow muttered, scrolling through Yoshi 2.1's favourite stories.

Then Blaze started to get serious.

Listen, you little turd, if you don't tell me where Sonic (cat) went, I'm gonna rip your eyes out, shove 'em up your a** so you can see me kick the s*** out of you AND THEN I'm gonna pull your eyes out and make them watch as I rip your heart out and force you to eat it RAW", Blaze threatened, grabbing Shadow by the front. **(A/N: I got to the point, OK? No flames. Inspired by The Simpsons.)**

Nah, I don't feel like it", Shadow told Blaze calmly.

Blaze fingers were an inch away from Shadow's eyes.

OK, I'LL TALK!, Sonic went west, so if you head northwest, you'll find a train station, where you should there by a ticket that'll take you to Canada, Toronto and from there talk to a guy at Tim Hortons by speaking the words 'Kaltu Brada Nikto' EXACTLY and he'll take you to a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy and from there, only after you trade your Rupess in with the wise man to get a stronger sword, should you solve an ancient riddle by tapping the numbers 27, 521 and 1998 into a near phone and then you must r*** a...", Shadow explained, but Blaze cut him off.

WHERE?", Blaze growled, the tip of her claws very lightly touching Shadow's eyes.

He went west!", Shadow shouted in a panic.

Blaze released Shadow and she resumed her song as she skipped in Sonic's direction, ignoring the fact she almost murdered Shadow.

Shadow muttered a few choice words under his breath as he began to read a fiction in Yoshi 2.1's favourites called _Sonic The Satire_...

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><p><strong>MEANWHILE... THOUSANDS OF MILES AWAY...<strong>

Sonic was running a panic through Station Square. He had a feeling Shadow let Sonic down, so the blue hedgehog/cat/whatever was just running blindly through Station Square. He was lucky the last couple of times to escape, but now he felt like the author was gonna let Blaze catch him. As Sonic thought about all this, he noticed Silver walking in the opposite direction.

Silver!, Help me!", Sonic cried, running up to Silver.

Trigger, what happened?", Silver enquired, looking at Sonic.

Lab accident, now, HELP ME!", Sonic screamed, looking hopefully at Silver.

What?", Silver looked confused.

LooktherewasanaccidentasTails'splaceandnowI'''sjustatadbitbetterandHELPME!", Sonic explained. He was on his knees, looking like he was gonna cry out of frustration.

Um, you seem in hot water, I guess", Silver murmured, looking at Sonic weirdly.

Thanks for the comfort, if that's what that was, now cover for me if Blaze comes here!", Sonic told Silver.

Sonic was about to dash off, but he was trapped in an embrace. He looked behind him and screamed. Blaze had caught up with him and had him in an embrace.

You're not getting away this time", Blaze snarled in a way that, even though it was threatening, still sounded seductive.

Before anybody knew it, Blaze was giving more CPR demonstrations on Sonic. This time, though, Sonic could feel her tongue work its way into his stomach, cancelling out chance of him upchucking. After it came back up, it just wiggled around in Sonic's mouth, Sonic's tongue trying to avoid it. It actually looked very odd. After about 2 minutes, Blaze pulled back, a bridge of saliva between both of their mouths. The saliva broke off between to the two lovers and landed on Silver. Silver was mad.

Why you little...", Silver began, but Blaze shot him a dirty look.

Suddenly, Blaze picked up Sonic and threw him over her should, much like Donkey Kong did to Pauline.

If this turns into a game of Blaze Kong, I quit", Sonic said directly to the fourth wall.

Come on, let's go someplace where we can spend all day making babies and causing dozens of people to draw even more porn of us", Blaze whispered in Sonic's ear before walking off, Sonic trying desperately to escape.

Silver stood there motionless for a second, shocked and enraged at what happened. Then a bomb was thrown at him.

WHAT THE FU-", Silver manged to get out before the bomb exploded in a mushroom cloud. Laugher could be heard in the background.

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><p><strong>Well, there's the third chapter. Only one left!<strong>

**I hope you got all the references.**

**Bye for now. I'm gonna go get laid or something...**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Well, here's the final chapter of Sonic The Satire!... Nothing much I can say, but read and enjoy! No offence to anybody.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 4mally Yours<strong>

Blaze, for the love of Grambi, this is foolish, let me go!", Sonic whined to Blaze, who was carrying him over her shoulder (I only told you that because I bet you didn't read the last chapter.

Let you go?, do you know all the Hell I've been though?, I've suffered through a Road Runner spoof, The Lost World: Jurassic Park references, Ernest cameos, a dumb-a** scene where I save you from a tree, remote control tounges, WTF Booms and reenacting and THE 11TH LEVEL OF HELL ("Bloopity Bloopity Bloopity" from Good Burger...it's a deleted scene)!, I'm not letting you go for anything, except for something ridiculously stupid!", Blaze shouted, sounding angered at Sonic's request.

Yeah, but we gotta fill two sequels SOMEHOW!" Sonic commented sarcastically, the comment not really making much sense considering what Blaze said beforehand.

Oh, Sonic, your sarcastic comments make me oh-so aroused and make me forget entirely that I was angry at you!", Blaze said lovingly, orgasming at the comment because, well, I guess cats really love sarcasm.

Well, I just figured out the stupid thing that'll make you let me go!, no sense in making it plausible!", Sonic announced before preceding to tickle Blaze like crazy.

Before Blaze could react, she was laughing like the Joker just hit her with a can of laughing gas. After a full minute, she let Sonic, but he went on tickling. I guess it was revenge. What did he plan to do, make her wet herself?

Completely", Sonic told the 4th wall.

Oh. Well, she already orgasmed. But, that's besides the point. By the way, if I'm telling this in past tense, how can you hear what I say?

It's a little thing called crack-fic humour, it doesn't have to make sense", Sonic explained.

Well THAT makes sense! Anyways, Sonic went on for a little bit longer... And that's about it, really.

P-p-p-p-please stop!, as the author previously said, I already orgasmed!, I heard coming that along with p*** makes it explosive!", Blaze begged Sonic in between laughs.

It DOES?, wait, how do I know you're not lying?", Sonic look suspicious.

Because I'm bi-lingual", Blaze explained.

But what about-", Sonic began, but was cut off by Blaze.

Zuò dào zhè yidian, wo bùshì kaiwánxiào", Blaze growled, sounding dead serious.

Sonic let up and began running.

Blaze then got a crazy idea to catch up with him. She crouched down, began running like a cheetah, lept when she was a foot away from Sonic, yelled "Adnatium Rage!" and tackled Sonic. The tackle hit and the began rolling along the ground at a surprising rate. After a good mile, Sonic ended on top of Blaze.

Wait, this is wrong", Sonic muttered, getting off of Blaze. He then layed down as Blaze layed over top of him.

This good?", Blaze asked.

Yeah, it is., anyways: how did you catch up with me?", Sonic questioned.

I ripped off Linkara!", Blaze relied cheerfully, giving a big grin.

Ahhh..., why didn't you believe me when I told you it was me?", Sonic asked. The question sounded really odd, by the way. But that's what you get when you let your pet Yoshi (version 2.1) write a story about hedgecats.

I don't understand what you're saying and it's not just because of the grammer", Blaze asked (but it more or less sounded like she just said it slowly) as the two got up.

Blaze, for the love of the holy lord and StarVixens everywhere, I am The Goddamn Sonicman!", Sonic told Blaze in a growly voice.

Wha?", Blaze looked just as confused as you do right now.

Another Linkara reference., anyways, if you don't believe me, look into my eyes", Sonic replied.

Is this some kind of _Dracula_ spoof?" Blaze looked skeptical.

Nope", Sonic said just as happily as you are relived.

Blaze stared into Sonic's Emerald green eyes just as Sonic looked into Blaze's. After a whole eight hours of nothing but staring at each other, Blaze finally realized what everyone else had 2 years ago.

Oh my..., it IS you Sonic!", Blaze exclaimed in surprise.

No duh, Sherlock", Sonic muttered dryly. Blaze, luckily, didn't here that. If she did, this series would be over.

Oh, I'm so sorry, but not as sorry as I could considering I could've just broken the 4th wall like everybody else, but as soon as I layed eyes on you, Cupid sent a freakin' love nuke to my heart and totally blew it out of proportions and, look, you must be very angry at me, and it's reasonable if you are, but I guess I just leave because I know you're gonna say something to completely turn my emotions around and I REALLY don't want a sequel, so good-bye", Blaze said in sadness (and one breath) before walking off just like she said she would. But Sonic grabbed her hand, turned her around and said that stupid thing Blaze mentioned.

Blaze we have jobs to keep so we're leaglly obliged to make sequels., besides people actually READ this stuff and I think you're as beautiful as a marine holding a BFG!", Sonic told Blaze.

Since Blaze was as dumb as a rock in this fiction, she took that as a compliment. Her cheeks turned so red she looked a cliche re-color OC. No had ever called her beautiful in her whole except, you know, pretty much every stranger she came across (women too, you sick, twisted yuri fans).

You- you're really comparing me to the Doom comic?", Blaze asked shyly.

Of course I am, we already made about 3, so what harm is this one gonna do?, besides you're more beautiful then Amy, even though you don't have the Shipping support, or Rouge, even though you don't have as much sex appeal or as many people jerking off to you", Sonic admitted. Just then, you could hear all the fans of the OTHER shippings cry out in angry and begin to track down this so-called Boshi 21 or whatever he/she/it's called.

That's so sweet and a little insulting to me & fans of the other Shippings", Blaze replied.

Well, the truth is, um, in this fiction I love you, Blaze, but my opinion will completely change in the next fiction!, I'm awesome!", Sonic admitted, emphasising the word "awesome".

Blaze had a look of surprise and a little bit of disgust on her face. It was nice that Sonic liked her, but did he really have to insult the fact that fans could never decided on one shipping? But, she was kind of flattered (wouldn't you be?). But, even before he was turned cat, she kind of already had a crush on him. That's right, Blaze read the Doom comic!... one lame joke, aside, she kind of always Sonic even though she was constantly avoiding him, telling him to leave her alone, beating the crap out of him and denying his request to heal her even though she was severely injured (thank Grambi for Sonic knowing how to spike tea with catnip). But, she decided, "What the f***? Why not tell 'im now? Also, I should remind myself to pick up milk on the way home."

But if you loved me, why did you run away from me besides the fact that I'd gone crazy?", Blaze wondered aloud (she had a hard time keeping her thoughts in her head; she's just like my sister, she has to say everything out loud).

Because you were nuts!", Sonic replied.

BESIDES that!", Blaze shouted.

You wanted to make me your cat toy!", Sonic tried again.

Well, that's reasonable, considering my hormones really can get out of control in Humour/Romance stories", Blaze said.

Besides, we did the whole tongue TWICE IN A ROW!, what's up with that?", Sonic commented, more or less talking to the 4th wall.

Well, my mother's favourite movies WERE The Room, for repeating itself indefinitely, and Superman II, for the whole tongue thing., besides, she made with everybody in her school., it didn't help that she went to an all girl's school", Blaze replied.

Well, I know you gots very soft lips, much like a scoop of soft-serve but not as choclately", Sonic said.

If you think my lips are so soft, why don't cha prove it?, I gotta a packet of soft serve sprinkles right here", Blaze said seductively.

Are you sigh-kick or something, because you just read my mind!", Sonic retorted. And now, because I'm really lazy and I don't want to go the route of TailsHentai, time for copying from Yoshi 2.1:

They embraced each other and lean their faces towards each other, until finally their lips met. It didn't take long for Blaze to slip her tongue inside Sonic's mouth, all the while pushing him down on to the grass, climbing on top of him, and locking her legs with his. Sonic tried to slip his tongue into her mouth, but Blaze's tongue overpowered him, pressing itself down on his own. They continued kissing for several hours until after a while they finally separated, leaving a trail of saliva in between their lips before it dissolved away.

GET A ROOM YOU TWO!" a green cat shouted at them.

You first ya walking Power Plant!", Sonic shouted back.

The green cat walked off in a huff, muttering something about no more pointless cameos.

So, anyways, how was dat, Honey cat?", Blaze cooed.

First off, Honey the Cat is only a myth and second, that WAS THE BEST EXPERIENCE OF MY WHOLE LIFE!, I'M SO DANG HORNY NOW!", Sonic shouted in extreme glee.

Well, I have an contrived love for you, Sonic the Hedgehog", Blaze returned.

Please, call me Sonic the Cat", Sonic corrected her before whipping out the legal documents to change his last name.

**Many Months Later... And By That, I Mean Five Days...**

Sonic and Blaze had been in a relationship for the previously mentioned five days. Since then, Sonic eventually got used to being a cat, licking his own butt and sleeping for 15 hours a day and all that stuff. He had decided to stay a cat, even though Tails had found a cure (and Sonic refused it like a moron). His friends had agreed he was a retard but that was besides the point.

The cat couple was walking down a sidewalk while every onlooker muttered "What the..." to themselves.

Well, Blaze, I can certainly say, I love being a cat almost as much as I love you, even if a mouse chili dog isn't as good as a regular chili dog", Sonic said.

Totally, it's a lot better with mustard", Blaze agreed.

I really think if I can I can get Silver, Knuckles, Shadow, Espio, you, the head of Sega and a Cream drunk on power to recognize me, I can enjoy anything and, now that I'm a cat, Amy shall never recognize me a beat me to a bloody pulp for choosing you and not her...wait, shouldn't you be guarding the Sol Emeralds or something?, wait, it's been 3 chapters and NOBODY has realised that?", Sonic said.

Yeah, I guess my world could've gone out in a worse way", Blaze commented.

I have decided to change the topic suddenly., here it is!", Sonic replied (although Blaze didn't ask anything) as he knelled down on one knee in front of her.

Sonic, are you kneeling on one leg to get at the right angle so you can shoot me in the mouth?", Blaze questioned, feeling just as puzzled as I would be on Jeopardy!.

Blaze the Cat, I love you, so will you marry me?", Sonic asked her as presented her with a diamond ring (because poor literacy is cool).

Why not?, I'll just end up making out with Silver in another fiction anyways", Blaze answered in half-glee, embracing her new fiance (for this fiction, anyways). It was official. Sonic and Blaze were engaged to be married...but for some stupid reason, it would take them exactly one year, two months, twenty- seven days, three hours, two minutes and forty-five seconds to do so.

**Exactly One Year, Two Months, Twenty-Seven Days, Three Hours, Two Minutes and Forty-Five Seconds Later...**

All of Sonic's closet friends (and the two who didn't think he was an idiot (Mario and Luigi)) were gathered at a local church-turned-hotel in Station Square's most run-down area. Tails, Knuckles and an animal that looked like a combination of every single Sonic charcter were Sonic's best man and groomsmen, all with a hangover from last month, while Cream, Marine and Rouge (all the people who dragged her around!) were Blaze's bridesmaids and, yes, they did do exactly what happened in the movie _Bridesmaids_...quickly! Go to thou's keyboard! A whole new spoof awaits you!

Er... The rest of the people there were the wedding guests. Among them were Silver, the Chaotix, Cream's mother Vanilla Iced Tea, Big the C**, the Babylon Rouges and seventeen fancharacters, including Charge the Cat, Star the Vixen and Laurie the Hedgehog. In a completely unrelated topic, Vanilla noticed Vector 7 was crying.

Vector, mah boi, why are you crying?", Vanilla asked him (not saying who "him" because you know "him").

I realised I'm way overdrawn", Vector replied tearfully while wiping his tears with a tissue.

Oh, Vector, don't feel so bad., Cream maxed out my credit card on taking over Nintendo", Vanilla said as she held Vector's hand, hinting at a shipping everybody knows about so I won't bother saying.

Vector opened his mouth to say something, but couldn't think of a reply.

Meanwhile, thousands of miles away at the altar, Sonic and Blaze were currently standing together holding hands. Sonic was wearing a fresh black tuxedo he got on loan from the CIA with a red rose on it and no pants, as usual. Blaze was wearing the curtains. Then, everybody fell asleep as the minister they bought from began speaking.

Dearly beloved we are here today to join Sonic the Hedg- sorry, Sonic the Cat., this is my first time doing this, by the way., er, we're here to join Sonic the Cat and Blaze the Cat in unholy sequels and if there is anyone who believes that these two should not be together, let them speak now or be in horrible sequels forever", the minister announced.

Everybody woke up and raised their hands.

I'm sorry, you should've spoken with the director", the minister told everybody.

Everybody fell asleep and put their hands down.

Now, do you, Sonic, take Blaze to be your lawfully wedded wife, do you promise to love, honor and cherish her from her and any sequels made?", the minster asked (this sequels joke is getting old, but I can't stop because it's true).

I do.

I wasn't asking you, Mr. Narrator!", the minister shouted at the fourth wall.

Excuse me.

Um, I do", Sonic told the minister. And do you plan to do the same, miss Blaze?", the minister asked Blaze.

Yes, I do two", Blaze answered, not bothering to tell the minister he should've read the part he read to Sonic.

By the (Prower) power vested within me, I now pronounce you-", the minister was cut off a familiar voice.

STOP! STOP THE WEDDING!", yelled A Familliar Voice (with no comma after the first "!" for once).

Amy, what are you doing here?", Sonic asked in ang... You know what? I'm outta ideas. Why don't I do myself a favour and just do this:

OH MY GOD, THIS IS THE GREATEST ENDING I'VE EVER READ IN MY LIFE! By the power invested within me I now pronounce you SPOILERS! There's this Hedgey who's not a Hedgey anymore. Now here's a Catty! So the Hedgey/Catty is getting married to the another Catty and everybody's happy! But then, before they get married, this pink thingy comes in and says "I'm mad that you're not marrying me!" and the Hedgey/Catty's like, "I never wanted to marry you" and the pink thing is like "I'm mad anyways!" and then they start yelling and swearing at each other with a million astereks! I used a million astereks once! It was painful. So then Malleo and Weegee come in a drag the asterek-using-evil-pink-thingy away and she's all like "I'll get you next time Hedgey/Catty! Next time! MRROWRR!" and then the Catties get married and then Amy plans to rape the orange squrriel! So this ending is really good and it segways into the sequels. I was just happy I got a laptop that I can sell for a bigger bottle of Coke for me to live in! This Gamer A. Bum saying CHANGE! YOU GOT CHANGE! COME ON, HELP A WRITER OUT, WILL YA? CHANGE!

**Uh oh, it looks like Amy has a sequel on her mind., this can give me an excuse to make an "M" rated fiction!, I've gotta get advice on that kind of thing from TailsHentai!, didn't he say to jerk off while doing it?**

**Well, this is the final chapter, if you haven't already guessed and sooner or later I'll made a bad sequel to this story!, I'll call it _Sonic the Satire: Dumb A** Revenge_.**

**It won't be funny because it has R-A-P-E!, I've always wanted to write about that!, besides a fiction Yoshi and a naked cat-lady.**

**And by the way, Mario and Luigi make a guest apperance and I thought of the idea while I was high!**

**I hope you like it, I worked on it for an hour!, that's a long time in Yoshi 2.1 seconds!**

**Disclaimer: All rights to Sonic the Hedgehog belong to Sega, no copyright was used in the making of this story.**

**P.S.: Mario and Luigi belong to Cremtendo, again, no copyright allowed.**

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><p><strong>AN: There you go! No offence to Yoshi 2.1. Anyways, if you review, please give it a rating out of five. I'm gonna five it an aggerate score like Rotten Tomatoes! Oh, the sequels will be in an anthology fiction called Sonic Satire Theater and, yes, I did make a million Linkara refference (and one for Bum Reviews). Watch "Atop The Fourth Wall", where bad comics burn, everybody!**


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